Circles

I feel like everything's pointless. I've lost motivation in everything i do. I don't know who to go to. My mind is just clogged up with more thoughts than it can handle. I'm just plain confused. Confused about my own feelings, and confused about what i want in life. Like.. there's nothing meaningful in life anymore. I feel like I’m going backward instead of forward. I don’t know why. I wish more than anything that I were still me. I don't know who I am anymore. I feel like I'm dead but breathing. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to start. I just want to feel alive.

Changes

Things change, and the world moves so quickly around me.

mmmmmm

 I don’t really give a fuck, and my excuse is that I’m young
And I’m only getting older so somebody shoulda told ya.

I know.

I wrote a couple notes; one in love, one in anger. They're lyin' there dyin' in my dresser drawer. Now go on, live louder than your voice. Struggle through a stranger. Love her til you love me even more. 'Cause I can't laugh, can't cry, and I can't run can't hide. You get used to the pain and numb to the sting til you can't feel anything.

JustWords

         Break me down

         For what you want to see

         Yet in me but not in yourself

         Pick me apart

         Until I’m no longer a whole

         No longer myself

         But an image of your fear and anger

         And now my fear and anger

         Because of your eyes,

        Lost in myself but more now, someone else

:We lose who we are because we’re subconsciously afraid of what you’ll do with it.

:You never really give us the chance to find ourselves in the first place.

:We don’t come with confidence and self-assurance.

:You’re quick to crush the little we do develop with shallow misunderstandings and harsh assumptions.

:Who we are, you’ll never know. You don’t want to.

:It’s possible that we’ll never know either. You don’t let us.

:We can’t mold.

:You don't want to believe we're better.

:We’re not.

:We’re different. From you. From each other.

:You detach from us without ever understanding us.

:You create the separation and don’t give us the chance to close it.

I'd rather go on lovin' blind Than go on lovin' without you.

"I've never tried to catch you lyin.' I didn't want to know the truth. I'd rather go on lovin' blind Than go on lovin' without you. I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then. I wish I could start this whole thing over again. I'm not sayin' that You could never be true. I just don't wanna know how it ends. You still have my heart in the palm of your hands. I still look like a fool in front of your freinds. but Yeah, I wish somehow I didnt know now what I didn't know then."

Unorganized Organization

I'm just realizing how much my outlook on life has changed in the last couple of years. I'm positive now that it's going to take more than a few years in college and the miserable life of a housewife for me to feel that I've lived a fulfilled life. I've developed a plan:
I'm going to go to college for four years and acquire a masters in something or another.
I will then graduate and move to Jost Van Dyke, which is a four mile long British Island.
I'm going to live alone there, bartending on the beach, for fifteen years.
Then, I will decide if I'm grown up enough to come home and actually become a housewife. If not, I'll stay there.