Changes

Things change, and the world moves so quickly around me.

mmmmmm

 I don’t really give a fuck, and my excuse is that I’m young
And I’m only getting older so somebody shoulda told ya.

I know.

I wrote a couple notes; one in love, one in anger. They're lyin' there dyin' in my dresser drawer. Now go on, live louder than your voice. Struggle through a stranger. Love her til you love me even more. 'Cause I can't laugh, can't cry, and I can't run can't hide. You get used to the pain and numb to the sting til you can't feel anything.

JustWords

         Break me down

         For what you want to see

         Yet in me but not in yourself

         Pick me apart

         Until I’m no longer a whole

         No longer myself

         But an image of your fear and anger

         And now my fear and anger

         Because of your eyes,

        Lost in myself but more now, someone else

:We lose who we are because we’re subconsciously afraid of what you’ll do with it.

:You never really give us the chance to find ourselves in the first place.

:We don’t come with confidence and self-assurance.

:You’re quick to crush the little we do develop with shallow misunderstandings and harsh assumptions.

:Who we are, you’ll never know. You don’t want to.

:It’s possible that we’ll never know either. You don’t let us.

:We can’t mold.

:You don't want to believe we're better.

:We’re not.

:We’re different. From you. From each other.

:You detach from us without ever understanding us.

:You create the separation and don’t give us the chance to close it.

I'd rather go on lovin' blind Than go on lovin' without you.

"I've never tried to catch you lyin.' I didn't want to know the truth. I'd rather go on lovin' blind Than go on lovin' without you. I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then. I wish I could start this whole thing over again. I'm not sayin' that You could never be true. I just don't wanna know how it ends. You still have my heart in the palm of your hands. I still look like a fool in front of your freinds. but Yeah, I wish somehow I didnt know now what I didn't know then."

Unorganized Organization

I'm just realizing how much my outlook on life has changed in the last couple of years. I'm positive now that it's going to take more than a few years in college and the miserable life of a housewife for me to feel that I've lived a fulfilled life. I've developed a plan:
I'm going to go to college for four years and acquire a masters in something or another.
I will then graduate and move to Jost Van Dyke, which is a four mile long British Island.
I'm going to live alone there, bartending on the beach, for fifteen years.
Then, I will decide if I'm grown up enough to come home and actually become a housewife. If not, I'll stay there.

;asklghiqnuigjxzchxvcq94dfj4ui;oa3jklsdhp90fuck

Bittersweet.

I don't know whether to be thankful or resentful toward you anymore, because I'm starting to notice that I've become used to the idea of all of this.  I've shut a lot within myself down, but with doing that, I've built a lot within myself up. I've learned that I can stand on my own and that yes, I want you, but no, I don't need you.

"After great pain, a formal feeling comes. The Nerves sit ceremonious, like tombs"


"..Tomorrow, I'm gonna listen To that voice of reason inside my head."

Tomorrow.

"Baby when we're good, You know we're great
But there's too much bad for us to think
That there's anything worth trying to save.
But tonight I'm gonna give in one last time
Rock you strong in these arms of mine
Forget all the regrets that are bound to follow
We're like fire and gasoline
I'm no good for you
You're no good for me
We only bring each other tears and sorrow
But tonight, I'm gonna love you like there's no tomorrow..."

Pandemonium Within

Every little thing punches me in the gut. It might not even be anything. It usually never is, but this was exactly my reaction when I saw Amber's post: "silly little slut." I read totally wrong and much too shallowly into that, but am I reading too deeply into everything now? I can't tell, I can't tell, I can't tell. I don't even know wtf is real and wtf you mean.

Broken Bridges.

I have crossed broken bridges in my time, but are the bridges worth crossing; is it worth any more breaking?



I'm really feeling like getting in my car and driving for a really long time. I'll just drive and drive until I can't see anything but grass and trees and endless skies. Yes.

Confusion

                                                                                                  It messed me up.

Vacuum.

I don't feel a thing. I think the best way to describe this is by saying I'm suspended
in
  a
     vacuum.
           Nothing,
                 nothing,
                      nothing,
                           nothing,
                                nothing,
                                   
 I hate being this way. How long's it gonna last? It's gonna drive me insane; it really will.

Now.

Now, I kinda feel more like this, to be honest.


"After all the pain ya' put me through
I can't stand to see the sight of you
And you won't drown me in your misery
You'll have to find someone else
To be your company

It's not a question of love and hate
You made our life together so desolate
Well I'll just call this my resurrection
My savior from self destruction"

Right Words. Kinda Late.

So, I feel like this is exactly how I was feeling, you know, before the most recent happening happened...


"There might have been a time
I would give myself away
Once upon a time
I didn’t give a damn
But now here we are
So what do you want from me
What do you want from me

Just don’t give up
I’m workin’ it out
Please don’t give in
I won’t let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, what do you want from me
What do you want from me

Yeah, it’s plain to see
that baby you’re beautiful
And there's nothing wrong with you
It’s me – I’m a freak
but thanks for lovin’ me
Cause you’re doing it perfectly"




You still don't get me though, right?

No.

I'm not going to break this time.